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Calming the FLOOD!

In my last blog I talked about what happens when you flood and how damaging it can be to your relationship when the dinosaur roars!  So what can you do to calm the flood?

While it can take up to 20 minutes for the adrenalin and cortisol that is dumped in your body to prepare you for the fight, flight or freeze response, to leave your body, you can actually calm down much faster than that with practice.

Here I have some ideas for you to draw from – what works for one person may not work for others so you need to develop your own list. Doing some of these every day can help keep the dinosaur at bay!

Relaxation techniques - there are many mp3’s or apps available to guide you through meditation and relaxation exercises that can assist the process.  Some useful ones you can try yourself include.

  • deep breathing right from the diaphragm - at least 5 deep breathes;
  • starting from the bottom of your body with your toes tighten each limb and muscle in your body and then relax it;
  • closing your eyes and visualising your safe place or somewhere that brings you joy.

Sensory self-soothing techniques – go through each sense and find techniques that appeal to you. Here are some ideas:


  • bubble bath with scented oil;
  • hot or cool shower feel the water falling on your skin;
  • massage;
  • stretching/yoga;
  • pat an animal;
  • wear comfort clothes;
  • carry a soft piece of cloth or worry beads or smooth stones etc to feel and touch when you need to.


  • soothing music;
  • audio book;
  • white noise or tv in the background;
  • the sounds of nature – birds, ocean etc
  • water fountain


  • make a collage;
  • watching a flickering candle;
  • flick through a picture/coffee table book or magazine;
  • sitting in front of and watching an open fire;
  • carry soothing pictures with you and pull out when needed;
  • go to your favourite place and just enjoy;
  • looking at the beauty in your garden or in a local park;
  • art on your walls;
  • picture books/coffee table books.


  • burn scented candles or incense;
  • wear cologne, perfume or scented oil that makes you feel good;
  • visit places that have your favourite aroma eg bakery; coffee shop; florist;
  • wander in a garden of scented plants;
  • bake;


  • enjoy your favourite food;
  • treat yourself to a favourite sweet treat;
  • drink your favourite beverage;
  • suck on an ice cube;
  • eat a juicy piece of fruit.


Find out more about Flooding and other tips for LOVING CONVERSATIONS in my mini-course LOVING CONVERSATIONS


It includes a fridge-worthy downloadable for self soothing and many more strategies for talking and getting heard and understood and keeping it all on track for maximum connection and LOVE GROWing! 



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